NORTH SALT LAKE -- A full third of women nationwide will be abused by their husband or boyfriend at some time in their lives. That, and other, startling statistics were shared with Bountiful Exchange Club members last week by victim advocate Alissa Black. Black, who worked in San Diego County as a victim advocate, and now works with the Murray City Police Department, not only shared the statistics of domestic abuse, but how abuse affects the lives of the women, and especially children who find themselves in those situations. She also offered advice on how others can help those who find themselves abused. To emphasize how domestic violence affects everyone in the family, and can ruin that family in an instant, she told of one man who had sexually abused his stepdaughter for seven years. The stepdaughter told a friend, who passed it along until the mother was told.

They went to the police who brought the man in, and after questioning him, told him he couldn't go home until he was charged or the matter was settled. The man went to Park City, where he rented a hotel room and hung himself.

That man, Black said, was the primary breadwinner for the family.

In a matter of hours, the mother had heard devastating news about her husband and daughter, and had to cope with the loss of her husband and the financial support of the family.

And while there are crime victims reparations programs in place, only victims of certain crimes are eligible, and even then it can take months for them to receive any payment.

The woman in the case she talked about wasn't eligible for funding because her husband committed suicide.

A new charity has recently been set up called the Salt Lake Valley Emergency Fund to help victims.

Victims may also be helped through a wide range of services from counseling to domestic abuse and other shelters, public assistance, supplemental security income, food stamps, medicaid, food banks and programs like the Community Action Program.

Black said that even though the spouse may be the target of domestic abuse, children are also victims. She said that one in five children witness verbal abuse, and they grow up thinking that's normal. Consequently, they carry on the abuse to the next generation. "It's cyclical," Black said.

Domestic abusers want power and control over their victims. Through their actions, the self-esteem of victims is lowered, and their independence is taken away. Abusers also are manipulative and make the victim feel like everything is their fault.

Black said that victims, usually women, will remain in abusive situations because they're afraid something will happen to the children, or because they fear for their financial well-being.

Helping victims of domestic abuse requires a listening ear, understanding the dynamics of domestic violence, believing the victim and encouraging them to get the help they need to get back on their feet.

mwilliams@davisclipper.com