If you’re a fan of the first “Transformers” you already know that. It also means you’re qualified to enjoy “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” the bigger, louder, slightly-too-long sequel that once again shows just how cool (and scary) looking childhood toys can really be.
Critics have accused the movie of being loud, violent, and somewhat stupid, but when you’re talking about a Michael Bay movie that’s like accusing the sky of being blue. Like the original, the second “Transformers” is a two-and-a-half hour romp of explosions, crashes, snappy banter, big robots being cool, and general world saving. Though my mind wandered on occasion (don’t worry if yours does, too – you won’t miss anything) here are some of the things you can ponder during the slow spots.
• I apologize in case this offends anyone’s testosterone levels, but the relationship between the group of soldiers (led by Josh Duhamel) and the Transformers who work with them is actually pretty sweet. Even though the Transformers are several dozen feet tall and metallic, the soldiers clearly just think of them as fellow brothers in arms.
• Apparently, Shia Labeouf really can scream like a girl.
• Watching Optimus Prime take out a ring of decepticons isn’t quite as cool as watching Yoda go to town with his light saber, but it comes surprisingly close.
• There are actually female Transformers in this movie, a group of motorcycle girls who are appropriately buff and tough except for the fact that they come in girly metallic colors (one of them is even pink). There were, apparently, one or two Transformers in the original series, but it’s always nice to see more.
• The movie’s big romance – Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox (defying all the laws of actual relationship physics, she’s still with him) – alternates between being snappy-cute and mildly annoying depending on the moment. Also, a warning to any boys who might be watching – there’s a lot of onscreen kissing because of these two.
• Transformers apparently spit radiator fluid, which they keep insisting on doing throughout the movie for no reason I could figure out. If anyone else does, please let me know.
• The Transformer Twins (Mudflap and Skids) – the Jar Jar Binks of 2009? Note their ludicrously exaggerated use of street slang and, more precisely, the enormous gold buck tooth poking out of Mudflap’s mouth.
• A final warning to guys – if a hot girl you’ve just met wants to sleep with you for no particular reason, be very, very careful. Just trust me on this one.