The Marriage Wars
Just to be clear; shopping for clothing does not rank as one of my favorite activities. I look at is as a pleasant necessity, but nothing special. Like most women, I fully recognize that there might be ten items tried on for every item purchased. It’s an acceptable price to pay for something that fits.
If my husband and son are any indication, most men see shopping for clothes as a necessary evil Р right up there with teeth cleaning and colonoscopies. Except for with the colonoscopy, they give you drugs.
My son, who is bright, lively, and adventurous in nearly any setting, turns into a lifeless zombie when he enters a mall. His bones liquefy and his eyes glaze over. It is all he can do to shuffle along next to me. My husband turns passive-aggressive with a vengeance. He even lies about trying things on, exiting the dressing room with crumpled clothing that hasn’t even been unbuttoned, but declaring “it didn’t fit.”
We’ve all seen the male fashionistos С just take a look at any Hollywood or sport star. Project Runway’s Tim Gunn has found fame as a male with a sense of style. Where are these men in Davis County? I’m not even asking for a guy who knows his Levi 515s from his 501s. Just someone who recognizes when the old jeans need to be put out to pasture and who is willing to spend an hour trying on new ones.
Generally, most women know the size and style the men in their life wear and shopping needn’t be a couple’s activity. If my experience is any indication, this is a good thing. If men and women had to shop together on a regular basis, I’m afraid the divorce rate would be much higher.
Thankfully, once I got him into a dressing room, we were able to purchase enough jeans that a mall excursion won’t have to take place until 2020.
There are few things that differentiate the sexes more than shopping for clothes. I do not have an aversion to nice clothing, but unlike most women, I don’t overanalyze the need for a particular item, worry about the fashion police or declare a three-hour mission to find the most properly fitting jean.
Men can be vain, but generally it doesn’t stem from their closets. The only two criteria in selecting my clothing are 1) the item is clean; and 2) it’s not embarrassing. When buying an item, it also helps if it’s attached to a Clearance Sale tag.
Maybe I watched too many episodes of Peter Falk’s “Colombo” television series. Lt. Colombo vividly displayed that the value of a man had nothing to do with his tailor. Like him, I feel a comfort in something “well worn;” most of my clothes have seen better days, but I’m not going to toss out an old friend just due to a little fraying or fading, and a washing machine can obliterate the meanest salsa stain.
So you’ll understand my discomfort in wasting nearly an hour in a Macy’s dressing room last week while trying on a warehouse inventory of Levi jeans. It was my wife’s doing; there was nothing wrong with the two pair I bought in 2005. Even in dog years, eight years is only middle-aged.
In the end, I lost an hour of my time I’ll never get back and we spent $75 dollars in a quest to make me look more hip, “cool” and modern. Like other great quests Р finding Big Foot or tracking the Loch Ness Monster Р this too will fail.