The way you are treated in this world, largely depends on the way you present yourself. Sad as it is, you often get only one chance to make a first impression, unless they didn’t notice you at all the first time.
If you want to be treated better, feel better about the way you look and get the attention you want, it starts with putting yourself together with a few more details done right.
WHAT DO PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO SAY ABOUT YOU?
. People around you may already be trying to tell you what you could do to improve your image. Some know what they’re talking about! Some haven’t a clue! So listen to suggestions and choose what seems right for you. Start by picking good image idols. I personally like the local TV News Casters. (Please don’t pick Lady Gaga) Choose a look that represents the best you, in the lifestyle you’re in, right now. If you’re in a job, remember you want to look like you’re capable of also taking a step up in responsibility.
No one wants to be too absorbed in what others think about them, but if you have noticed nicknames or labels being attached to you, you might just think about whether “rebel” “tomboy” “sexy” or whatever is the “you” you want to stay with.
There are greater labels like “organized, well-pulled together, successful, leader, responsible, businesslike”, etc. Do you really want them to just say, “Oh! That looks like a “fun” person? That’s also what they say when the clowns come in.
If your lifestyle has changes to home based work, maybe it needs to be just simplified and well matched for your busy, but casual life.
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER / EVERY PIECE
Happiness is feeling “finished” “polished” and “fine-tuned” when you hit the outside world. That kind of grooming confidence is usually in the details. If we are thrown together because we didn’t clean and put our outfit together ahead of time, we will feel rattled and less likely to make a good impression. Take the time to be clean, matched and well-kept, including shoes and accessories. THIS OF COURSE IS THE BAND-AID SHORT VERSION AND DOES NOT CURE EVERYTHING. IT’S A GOOD PLACE TO START.
THESE ARE A FEW OF THE MOST COMMON THINGS:
Do people make negative comments about your clothes? OR frequently comment (negatively or positively) on one specific part of you? On your hair, your makeup or weight or whatever. Are people often commenting on how “sexy” you look?
Your best compliments are if they say, “You look great!”
Your over all goal, should be for an over all great look when presenting yourself. If you are always getting comments about one specific thing like, “interesting hair! or “wild nails!” or “those are really red lips!” You may want to tone down that look on the job or for a job interview, unless you’re applying for a job in a real “artsy” place, but still be careful. There’s a fine line between “creative look” and “loon-look.” The most common mistake heavier girls make is wearing clothing that is either too tight, too short, or too revealing. Best look is mostly one over all color clothing with a little special attention drawn to the face with a little color or jewelry.
There’s also a line between a little “sexy” and too-much or too-little and showing too much. Remember the Fonz on Happy Days? He said, “Whatever you advertise, people will assume you’re selling.
Do you feel like the sales clerk always helps you last?
As a general rule, people notice attractive people. They ignore or glance away from poorly dressed, un-groomed, or sometimes people who look “very different from the normal.” (I didn’t make this happen, so don’t kill the messenger.)
When I worked stage crew in theatre, we wore all black. It makes you invisible, well almost, unless you’re very, very dressed up. It’s true in the real world too. If you add at least a touch of color to your outfit you’re more likely to be seen.
Do people give you an odd look when they shake hands with you?
A straight forward look into the eyes of the person your meeting, with a warm smile while shaking someone’s hand is a good start, but if you notice a wince or odd look on the other persons face it very likely could be the way you smell.
ALWAYS START WITH CLEAN. If your clothes, body or breath smell bad, you will notice peoples expressions change and they may even step back. If you must error, error on the side of too clean, almost everyone prefers the smell of clean to any other scent of cover up odor.
Are you often late for appointments?
For whatever reasons, being late regularly makes those who have to wait feel less important. If you’re always late, you may wonder why you get invited to fewer and fewer things. Others may never tell you! If you want to make a real positive impression..be on time or a little early.
Do you tend to get fidgety when talking to people or look away while you’re speaking to them?
Get yourself together as well as you can before you leave home. That includes grooming, clothes, and notes, whatever.
Practice looking people in the eye when you talk to them.
Stay focused on the other people and the situation you are in right now, rather than thinking and worrying about yourself or what they think of you. Some people try to talk faster and laugh nervously. If you find you’re doing that, focus on talking less and asking more about “them” and listen.
Do people take offense when you thinking you are complimenting them or just doing a little joking around with them?
The cutting remarks about others are not acceptable as joking, unless you know the person very well and have established a certain amount of confidence and trust in each other. If you don’t have that kind of trust in each other, that the joking person may be considered to be a bully. Make sure people know you like them before you publicly tease or and belittling them, never too early or at a first meeting them.
People don’t take me serious.
Sometimes it’s a clothing problem. We are dressing too cute and “trendy”. Buying clothing that is a more classic rather than “fad” can help you look more credible.
Other times it’s your “attitude of too funny and too little experience” to be taken seriously. It’s pretty easy to get cynical about your job and mumble under your breath or make one too many jokes when the subject needs to be serious. When the subject is serious, can you be?
Are people often saying to you, “What did you say?” or asking you to repeat yourself.
Learning to speak up and speak out clearly may be difficult for the very soft spoken individuals. Remember, you don’t have to shout, but looking at people when you talk, with a little more volume helps for those who have a hard time hearing. And good clear pronunciation and good diction really helps too.
I taught modeling and finishing classes for over twelve years. As part of the first steps to finding your voice, was that of practicing to introduce yourself, every chance you could. You could say the same thing over at first, until you became very comfortable with it. Then tell more, but be interesting, and brief, when talking about yourself.
In situations requiring small talk, you feel awkward and can’t think of what to say.
Do remember that your body language is a invitation or rejection. Try to look “open and interested”.
In finishing school classes, students were also encouraged to practice asking other people to tell about themselves. Listen closely to what they said and think about what questions you might ask. If they said very little you could start by complimenting them on something they are wearing or asking what part of town they are from, or what movies they’ve seen or even how they liked the weather, as long as you get the conversation started and listen with interest to what they are saying. Listening takes time and energy, but makes a difference and remember, if they get stuck on one subject, you can change the subject.
You allow self doubt to creep in. You want to disappear in public settings.
This is when you especially need to pull you clothing outfits together. Get rid of clothes that you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in, but still wear.
Most people are not “gifted” with self confidence. Most have earned or learned it. Confidence is a way of thinking and doing and even of acting “as if” until you have “it”. Don’t confuse confidence with pride or arrogance. Start by learning and studying skills for improving self esteem. Avoid self defeating thoughts and behavior. You must see yourself successful. Think yourself successful, and do the practice of acting yourself successful. Even rehearsing some situations and visualize yourself enough times that you gain confidence in your behavior. It comes and goes, just keep trying it will get easier, as anything you practice does.
11. Are people always asking you if you feel all right or if you’re upset about something?
Without realizing it, we sometimes “park” a negative expression on our face and keep it there. Like mom always told you, “If you keep doing that your face will stay that way.” A good remedy is to try to keep a pleasant look and slight smile on your face as much as you can. It actually can help eliminate some headaches as well as a few deep wrinkles. Of course, maybe it’s just that you’re using too much makeup!
12. At social gatherings you feel like you’re alone or you’re stuck with the same person through the whole night.
Don’t just walk in, pull out your phone and start to text!
Choose who you want to be with, don’t just let it happen. People with similar problems tend to attract to each other. So beware of just heading to the other person who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. Stay upbeat and make yourself look for happy, well balanced people to be around. Avoid negative talk, it attracts negative people. Don’t be afraid to meet new people and maybe make new friends.
Men don’t call you again after a first date.
Do all the above, and really listen to and ask about the other person more than you try to tell about yourself. This could help. Believe me!
Change is a choice, and takes some extra effort, but doesn’t everything that’s worth while? Little changes today can make your tomorrow better.