As I was cleaning out a shelf I found a yellowed “Ann Landers” column. She said that these statements were published by an insurance company for internal distribution. They are actual summaries submitted when car policyholders were asked for a brief statement describing their particular automobile accident. Enjoy!
It happened this way:
“To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.”
“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.”
“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”
“I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.”
“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
“The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”
“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”
“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”
“I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.”
“I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.”
“As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.”
“My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.”
“When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”
“I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”
“Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”
“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”
Maybe it’s because I was an English major and journalism minor that I found these statement so hilarious. I could hardly type them. Depending on the age and English expertise of your children, you may laugh together, explain the humor in the use and placement of words, or talk to your teens about what to do at the time of an accident.
Although many junior high and high school students enjoy taking English in school, many do not. Hopefully if they saw how it would help them, they would have a better attitude and work harder at it.
The ability of your teens to express themselves well will serve them as they communicate in business letters or in applications. I have noticed recently that nearly all jobs have to be applied for online in writing in today’s world. After receiving the written application the person may or may not receive an interview. Hopefully the recipients won’t be entertained by messages similar to those above.