When I spent several months in communist East Germany at the age of 10 I learned that a lot of things were done better there than in the United States. School children were told to put their heads on their desks, close their eyes and pray for candy. When they opened their eyes and no candy was in sight, teachers told them to try again, this time praying to the state.

As the children prayed to the government, teachers would silently walk around the room and drop candy on the children's desks. When they opened their eyes, the lesson was learned --they could not count on God, but the state always delivered.

In America today, we're hard at work learning the same lesson that God no longer has a place in society.

Boy Scouts are being ostracized for sticking to religious values, prayer is banned in schools, Nativity scenes are prohibited in many locations, Christmas carols cannot be sung in some schools, nor can students and teachers wish others a Merry Christmas. Religious themed floats have been banned from public Christmas parades, the motto "In God We Trust" is in danger of becoming devalued on our currency, the Pledge of Allegiance is under assault and the Declaration of Indepen-dence has been banned in some schools because it dares to mention Deity.

To many unenlightened Christians, the above are viewed as assaults on the very pillars upon which this nation was founded. But it's a shame that we in benighted Davis County fail to realize that such efforts are only an attempt to become a finer, more inclusive nation.

What we really need are more of these thoughtful restrictions, not less. Following are a few cogent recommendations to make sure no one can possibly be offended by anything. Had the phrase not already been coined in the 1940s, we could even call it the "Final Solution":

- We should ignore more than 200 years of U.S. history as an example of what this nation is all about because America was built by intolerant religionists. It must have been extremely hard on our more enlightened Founding Fathers when they were forced against their will to wish each other Merry Christmas and to rely on prayer in their deliberations on the Declaration of Indepen-dence and Constitution. How ostracized and alone each of them must have felt when they were compelled to seek Divine Guidance -- or mention God-given rights, probably foisted upon them by intolerant right-wing extremists.

- Religious sanitization crusaders have already stopped the U.S. Post Office from issuing special cancellation stamps for cards mailed from places such as Nazareth, Texas, and Bethlehem, Penn. But that's just not going far enough. We should rename all U.S. cities that have religious connotations to ensure that school children never hear references to Deity in any form.

The mention of angels simply cannot be tolerated in any language, so Los Angeles should be renamed, possibly to "Lots of Angles" in homage to a city full of posers and schemers.

"Holy Faith" is an abhorrent term children must never hear, so Santa Fe, N.M., could become "Sinning's Fine" to assure everyone that anything goes. Many city names need similar adjustments to free the public from the horror to which they are now exposed.

- Currency should be re-labeled, "In gold we trust."

- The Pledge of Allegiance should more correctly read: "...one nation, under judicial activism..."

- Of course, everyone sees the wisdom of promoting Gay Pride parades while banning religious floats from parades meant to honor religious holidays. It's just not enough, however. Christmas parades should be renamed "Wal-Mart on parade," while St. Patrick's Day festivities could become "Patrick Ewing Day parades."

- The Declaration of Independence can be saved by changing key references. The Creator's "unalienable rights" should become "ACLU tolerated privileges."

It could also be amended to read: "All men, women and cross-dressers are endowed by their Congress with certain tenuous rights, among them life, libations and the pursuit of hedonism."

-Independence Day must be cancelled because it offends illegal aliens, tourists, Islamic terrorists, and all others with ties to foreign nations.

- School children should petition the government with grievances in lieu of uttering prayers. And they can adjourn for the holidays by wishing all a Merry BCS Bowl Season.

We could go on and on. But I'm sure it's clear to see how great a country we could have if we just gave political correctness a real chance to shine.