Here are some of them:
• Arguments over which religions are Christians: If a person or a church believes he, she, or it is connected to Christianity, that’s good enough for me. I’ll let a Higher Power sort it out, not some pastor who attended a divinity school in Thumbcrack, Mississippi.
• Utah Legislatures thinking they understand alcohol: I wouldn’t trust an English major to perform surgery, so why would I trust a non-drinking legislator to decide how a glass of merlot can be served at a Red Lobster? If you don’t understand the product or its consumer, you shouldn’t be making the rules.
• Fascination with Donald Trump: Bad hair, a history of bankrupting companies, an over-inflated ego – he’s an annoyance, not a business icon.
• Publicity for Rocky Anderson: The guy has no relevance, so why should anyone care whether or not he runs for President? The only way I’d vote for him is if the only other choice is Donald Trump.
• Jerking us around on political redistricting: Stop telling us nonsense about how redistricting represents the will of the people. Even a fifth-grader understands that a fair map cannot be drawn by elected officials or political parties bent on controlling their own turf.
• Boasting that Utahns are super-patriotic: The state ranks among the lowest in voter participation and enlistment in the armed forces. Hoisting a flag on July 4 doesn’t necessarily define patriotism.
• People who waste gas and drive around a parking lot four times to find the closest parking spot: And then go to the gym in an attempt to exercise!
• Rap music: Better known as noise pollution! Can’t we bring soul music back?
• Texting and driving: There’s nothing more dangerous, except maybe electing Rick Perry as president or giving Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky a license to run a day care.
• Utah politicians demanding budget cuts but refusing to accept cuts to Hill Air Force Base: Sorry, Rep. Bishop, Sen. Hatch, and Sen. Lee, you can’t have it both ways. Slashing the budget will certainly impact the military, and HAFB won’t remain unscathed. When it comes to slicing the federal government down to size, be careful what you wish for.
• Television and newspaper advertisements for prescription sex-enhancing drugs: Can’t we spend the money more wisely on cancer research?
• Twilight movies: If there is a worse role model for young women than Bella, it could only be the Kardashian sisters.
These are just a few of the people, events, and other tomfoolery I hope to avoid in 2012.