The opinions stated in this article are solely those of the author and not of The Davis Clipper.
The world is full of good ideas: microwaves, tablet computers, central air conditioning, Post-it notes, self-sealing tires, seatbelts, debit cards, “The Voice” and “Mad Men” television programs, and life-saving technology of modern medical screening equipment.
History has also served up a host of bad ideas: the Ford Edsel, “New” Coke, Susan B. Anthony dollar coins, the Watergate break-in, Michael Jordan’s short baseball career, the proposed railcar line through Centerville and the comb-over hair style.
Here comes another one: Denny’s restaurants are getting into the marriage business. Yes, there’s nothing better than getting hitched over hash browns!
The Denny’s location near you isn’t affected Р yet. But we know how chain restaurants react. If it works in one location, why not make it optional in Utah as well?
The “experiment” is now operating at the Denny’s flagship store in “old downtown” Las Vegas, Nevada. It began with a request in 2012 when a Nancy and a Steve expressed their desire to say “I do,” a “Grand Slam” wedding. The company agreed, giving them a wedding and reception complete with a Pancake Puppies wedding cake and Grand Slamosa cocktails.
According to the woman (who has had a 35-year love affair with Denny’s food and is now an executive with an Iowa University), “When we reflected on all of our memories made at Denny’s, we knew that getting married over a plate of pancakes would be our best memory yet.”
So the Las Vegas location is now offering wedding packages starting at $95 including use of the Denny’s chapel and “Just Married” Denny’s T-shirts.
To many, this might sound like a simple redneck wedding. Nothing improves a wedding vow like bacon, and the bride doesn’t have to purchase a pricy wedding dress; all she needs is to abide by the “No Shirt. No Shoes. No Service” sign at the front door.
But if the Las Vegas concept catches on, who knows what would follow? Will Utah McDonalds grant quickie divorces through its drive-up windows? Will high-end restaurants like Ruth’s Chris and Market Street Grill offer servers who can take your food order and then make suggestions on financial planning? Will Chuck E. Cheese and Baskin-Robbins install child baptismal fonts? Will the Red Lobster sell fishing licenses?
It’s a scary future indeed. Hopefully, our legislators can strike first. If our lawmakers are truly worried about “creeping federalism” tainting our state, they should also be worried about brides and grooms exchanging normally sacred vows within three feet of a grill. There’s something missing in the heavenly matrimonial mystery when the witness to a wedding is the short order cook. Weddings should entail a well-dressed man holding a bible, not a guy with an apron carrying a spatula.